3rd Time's A Charm (Rookie Camp Day 1)

Once dead to the world I never felt so alive as i do now! Could barely sleep last night waiting for this day to come. Filled with mixed emotions headed to Commonwealth it was a glorious day. It felt so good just to be putting my cleats on knowing I'm going to practice rather than out the field alone. Rookie camp is nothing new to me its my 3rd time I know exactly what to expect. I'm working on getting better everyday and helping the younger guys understand the defence. The game feels a lot slower than what I remember, maybe its because I am in better shape or that I'm not thinking and just playing football. I think its a little of both! We are back at it tomorrow 9:00 AM so I will have to keep it short I am refreshing myself with the playbook. Have a great night!

The Road Back (final chapter)

 
Dear God,  

18 years invested in this dream, experienced the high of high's and the low low's. Each experience has made me the person I am today. Just to get to this back to this point has taken several sacrifices, some of them cutting so deep left me with a lot of lonely nights crying tears of pain. With every tear you told me everything will be ok in the future, that I would just have to get through this 1 day at a time. I want to thank you for blessing me with wonderful parents who have support me from the start and have allowed me to chase this to the fullest. I want to thank you for blessing me with a wonderful sister has also kept me on track when I did not want to listen to my parents. I want to thank you for blessing me with  all my close friends ( they know who they are) for listening when I was down, and still being there though I live on the other side of the country now. I want to thank all my fans new and old for supporting even when I was out of football that positive energy truly made a difference in working to get back. Thank you for connecting me with anyone with positive energy striving to be something. As the time draws near tears still roll down my face but they are tears of joy for the faith I showed has been rewarded with this opportunity. I ask that you watch over me protect me from any kind of evil and negativity that I may face. I ask that you may bless others in the same way you have blessed me.  I ask i f this is my path you will keep me humble and grounded and never become that asshole successful person everyone loves to hate. To always be true and never sell out. Only through failure is when you truly learn so if I do fail please allow me to take the positives and learn from them. But, I really can't think like that because I truly believe THIS IS THE YEAR!

The Road Back

The rain has stopped and although it is still cloudy, it has allowed me to put a lot of things into perspective. Fear of failing has been my biggest motivator so much that I've managed never to experience it until last year. Even if I had failed in the past I never acknowledged it.  Living in denial, I was just acting as if it never happened. Football was the only thing that I never failed at and when I finally did it seemed unbearable to handle. With so much suppressed emotions I lost sight of all the things that made me, me. I went from living life to just surviving or better yet going through the motions. After months of  soul searching and solitude I have finally faced all my inner demons and things that made me so negative. Last year for my birthday my girlfriend had gotten me a bungee jump pass. I never used it only for the simple fact that I was scared. Last weekend nervous and all, I finally jumped,  it's an unexplainable GREAT feeling, but a feeling that has allowed me to let go of so many things I was holding on my chest, weighing me down. Instantly, as I got off, I felt different this was the first step to my recovery.

The second step was to confront myself about all the things that were making me unhappy. Third step let go! I have opened up to my family and told them things I've been holding on my chest for years. I never told them in fear of disappointing them. It's through failure and disappointment that you really learn life's lessons. Through this process it has felt like a 2000 pound anvil has been lifted of my chest. I feel good! I starting to feel like myself again. I'm not fully there yet but I'm getting close. A return back home to Montreal should truly bring me back to life.

The more I write I realize that this blog is not only about football there is more to life than football. That I finally see now, I no longer doubt if I'm ready, I've been ready to whole time. It has been the mental barriers stopping me. I see now that the only thing stopping me was me!!

The Road Back

The road back seems darker than ever with so many uncertainties about life makes it tough to focus. The lost of my significant other has hit close the chest, fate brought us together and will be the same thing breaks us apart. We have reached the fork in the road, and in order for the both of us to continue  to grow we must go at it alone. Her road leads down a different path than mine, I wish her all the best in her journey. It's a tough pill to swallow but swallow it I must. Physically, emotionally and mentally drained the show must go on. As the last week of work wraps up I will have a week to solely focus on training and recharge the battery. May god give me the strength to focus on what it important and ignore what is not. I will not question why things had to happen but trust him that it was for a reason that I cannot understand or see now. I trust him he will lead me the right way.

"For we walk by faith not by sight."

The Road Back

When I came down to Edmonton I had a plan on how the first two years we going to go.  Not one piece went according to plan! I never been a big fan of having a daily plan but adopted because of the job that I had. What I learned is that over planning is bad for the health. As this next chapter of my life begins I will not over plan again but rather outline. There are so many questions I have that are unanswered right now and no longer will I try to know the answers to all of them. This has done nothing but drive me crazy, I will live life and get the answers as they come along. What I know for certain is that I have one week left at this job and  two weeks of training at Athletes Nation before I travel to Montreal March 3rd. The focus is now is on me and what can I do to better myself more emotionally rather that physically but I am ready. The rest I will have faith in god that he leads me the right way.

Be Positive everything will be alright!

The Road Back

MARCH 12TH

The date has been set for March 12th, 2010.   It is the official day that I will be attending a combine that could  potentially get me back onto a CFL team. Although I live in Edmonton and train with some of the Eskimo players, I am no longer part of the organization. I have accepted what has transpired and have realized that it's not easy to get back.  Although it would be a great fit with the rest of my life I have to remember that it's a beautiful game, but shitty business! Rarely does an athlete get to decide where they will be playing or even if they will be playing.  I am using this opportunity to showcase my talents, that is all I am looking for. The focus now is preparing myself for this date to show teams that I am still out there. 


One thing many players including myself get wrong is their training methods. Through university and my younger days of college my primary method of training was working out at the gym. There is no getting on the field during the off-season for the simple fact that its too cold outside, and we do not have access to adequate indoor facilities. When I was first introduced to Athletes Nation I knew this was where I needed to be. Access to field turf is something that doesn't come by often, especially in the winter. So I am very fortunate that my training is already preparing me for a sports position that requires mainly running. I am in better shape than last year heading into camp and there are still a couple of months left until the season. My focus is not only to be ready for camp, but to be ready for March 12th so that I can show enough  of my skill to whoever is watching. 

The Road Back

Usually I spend Christmas at home with my family in Montreal, but this year was different. I must admit it was quite hard not seeing my parents and sister this year, but I was welcomed into a new family. Christmas on the West Coast was completely different than on the East. Surrounded by nature and its beautiful mountains it was quite a scenic view out in the country. Nights out in the countryside are very different than those in the city.  Calm and quiet, it really gave me a chance to sit down and think. This past year did not go as planned and I've been searching to find answers and reasons why it did not. I've realized that it doesn't matter anymore, what matters is what I am going to do to change the situation.

The year was not all lost I did meet the girl of my dreams and she has not disappointed. One thing I love about her is that she keeps it real 100% of the time. We had a sit down and she told me the way I was training has been very mediocre and simply was not enough to get back to where I wanted to be. Also, Kora-lea told me that she doesn't see the same fire and energy that I had when she first met me. "You really have to stop living in the past and do something about it." Her words hit home, she was right.  There was nothing I could say. I had to get to work. I want to thank her for not sugar coating anything and keeping it real with me. Love you!

Although I was doing training on my own, it hasn't been at the high level that I'm normally acustomed to. Working out and training for  professional sports are two very different monsters.  What I have been doing is working out. I didn't realize how hard it is to train hard alone. I've always been part of a training group or had a training partner back home in Montreal, but here there was no one to train with. Or so I thought...until I was contacted by an Eskimo who infomed me that him and a few of the guys from the team were doing sport specific training if I wanted to join in.  I jumped at the opportunity and have never been more motivated than I am today. Training in a group is much easier, simply for the fact that you have someone to challenge you to work harder.

Athletes Nation.  After only 1 day of training, I knew this is where I needed to be to get back to playing football. The great thing about training in a group atmosphere is the motivation we experience from pushing each other.  I am so thankful that I was invited to train with some former teammates. It truly has given me confidence that I can play at a high level.

I would like to thank my family, friends,fans  and my girlfriend who have supported me through this rough patch of my life. I am very fortunate to have had you all to lean on in my darkest hour. What happend last year has defitnately made me much stronger as a person going foward. One fan I would like to mention is Deno, he is the only person with an Okpro jersey. He had bought my jersey before the 09' season because he truly believed that I could play. This is not a cheap purchase and I want  to thank him  because despite me not being on the team his still wore my jersey with pride.  What I've learned from being cut is that great players get cut all the time. It's part of the game, part of the business, you have to accept the good with the bad.

The Road Back

Despite not wanting these two years off my body, I enjoyed them. Taking time to reflect, I've always played! Not for one minute did I ever ride the bench,  playing year round.  During my Vanier days I was also a member of Team Canada for 2 years. Right after the season we had about 2 weeks of rest and then it was back to tryouts. After making the team we spent January in the U.S playing for the World Junior Championship. Following Team Canada it was right back into training for the next year, followed by spring camp in March. With less than a month off during off-season, it gives your body little time to recoup from past nagging injuries. I was so bad at one point that the walking with a limp felt normal to me. What price do you pay to be able to play every single year you ever played football? I never had a price on it because it was so natural for me to play. It was a shock when I wasn't named a starter as I expected in my rookie season, but to not play special teams and not even dress? I was not ready for that! But, now ask me the same question you cannot put a price on something that is so special. I learned a lot about myself these past two years watching from the bench and the couch. My father always asked me "How I was going to handle not seeing the field?" I always replied ,don't worry about me I'll be fine. After a low period I know the answer and even though I didn't want these past 2 years off, they were much needed for my body to recover.

After finally getting up off the couch of laziness I'm back on schedule. I must admit the first week was tough my body was sore all week. After a period of low activity its not natural to feel this way. The period of feeling sorry for myself is done. Tears will not get me back to where I want to be. One thing I must focus on is motivation! Someimes I want to work out all day and others I don't want to at all. It's really important to find motivation in yourself everyday. Not get to high and not get too low, but a constant stream of motivation goes a long way to keep yourself off the couch. As my body continues to stomach the work load I am not as tired during the days I once was when I first started. Still a long way to go to where I want to be, the effort is there and that's what counts the most right now. Though I am the only one seeing the work put in, I hold myself accountable.

After watching to 09 Grey cup game I can certainly feel what Saskatchewan players are going through.
The worst part of a championship is being on the losing end. This feeling is all too familiar to me being 0-6 in the big game throughout my career. I don't care what anybody says you will always remember theses games. The agonizing pain that comes with this lost can leave in the dump for weeks ... Getting blown out in a big games doesn't hurt all that bad. It's the one like these in the last minutes that kill you. To make matters worse a self inflicted penalty by Saskatchewan to give Montreal a second change. I could only imagine how they are feeling right now. From player to player my heart goes out the them they fought hard.

The Road Back

"Once I decide to do something, I can't have people telling me I can't. If there's a roadblock, you jump over it, walk around it, crawl under it." - Kitty Kelly

Today is a new day no more talking about what happened! So the goal is getting back in the league... There are a couple of questions I need to answer who,what,when,why & how?

WHO - The saying is Once an Eskimo Always an Eskimo thought I still care for the team, city & fans. This part is out of my control. I am looking for an opportunity to resume career.


WHAT - FOOTBALL


WHEN - To be in training camp June 1st, 2009

WHERE - TBD


HOW- By training sport specific and setting daily goals for myself.

Daily Goals : 200 push ups, 200 sit ups and daily stretch  

So now that the questions are answered they were just a script to follow. Now comes Discipline, Dedication and the Determination to get it done.

Keep you Posted

 

The Road Back

"Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did."  ~Newt Gingrich

  

The worst is over after watching another CFL season.  Without gracing the field, I can say I've faced my worst fear. Throughout all my years playing football, I've been lucky enough to start every single year. Last year I was not so fortunate as I watched from the sideline. I thought that was the worst position to be in, but this year it was much worse as I watched from the couch. I always knew I would never like this feeling, which is why I made sure to never be on this side of the coin. The road to the top never gets easier and for the first time I've faced some adversity in terms of playing. Face to face with my worst nightmare, everyday I would wake up and wish this wasn't happening to me. Sure enough, it was. Upset with myself that I had failed, a feeling that was so uncommon to me. I admit I had trouble coping with it. But I learned, and here I am today training for another shot. It's never been about money for me, I do it for the love of the game.  I'm going to keep loving it until it loves me back.

per⋅se⋅ver⋅ance


1. steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement