Closing Chapter

Closing the Chapter on my 1st place out here in Edmonton live there for 2 years good times and bad times wouldn't change it for the world.

KEEP ON'

Into to THE NATION building back up the momentum can't stop won't stop! BOWWWW

KEEP ON'

I woke up today unmotivated, uninspired I willed my way out of bed and jumped in the car. Driving to THE NATION I asked myself where do I get the energy to keep going? Where does this motivation come from? I didn't have the answer then... It was only upon getting to THE NATION mid way threw the workout I realized.

It's a mind set despite everything that's happened I still remain. I  didn't fail I NEVER FAILED! I know everything that is happening is happening just the way its supposed to. It only fuels the fire awakening the sleeping monster within, that lies in everyone one of us. It only comes out after traumatic experiences where you feel you cannot take it anymore and something has to give. So I'm sorry I have to change otherwise I will go insane staying the same. Growth is needed it's time to evolve. 


EVOLUTION

KEEP ON'

Why would I quit now? No girl, no kids, not many friends out here, no distractions, I didn't get what I want. It would be easier to if I got my ass beat all over the field, but when you haven't even stepped on the field I don't have enough reasons to hang em up. I'm not getting my shot and it pisses me off. Slow to anger it takes so much to truly get me mad. Calm on the outside but raging on the inside. What makes me mad is that my teammates know I can play I get nothing but love from vets and young players, but still no love from the organization. When I train I'm so mad it's unreal I haven't hit this point of anger in a while, turn on lights on and ill show you what I'm about! KEEP ON'

The Lost Blogs

The Lost Blog series the missing months from Feburary - May where I was writing but chose not to post because I felt it was too personal. As these feelings pass I choose to share it now because truth be told someone is going threw this and I no longer care what others think it's from the heart so it can't be bad. I've met 5 or 6 guys out here in Edmonton going threw the same thing as we speak. It will fill in the missing gap of where my mind was at during those months.





Written February 4th, 2010

The road back seems darker than ever so many uncertainties about life makes it tough to focus.  I would rather not talk about this but it must be done. My girlfriend broke up with me! I won't

say it came as total surprise I could feel her distancing herself away from me over the past few weeks. I will try not to go into too much detail but I know she wasn't happy inside. I always told her that she has to be more selfish at times and devote more time to herself rather than other people. Giving her my honest advice I never thought it would result in her leaving me. The hardest part is waking up and coming home because we did live together and you get used to seeing someone and all of sudden they are not there.  It was love at first sight we knew we were supposed to be together, everything happened so fast maybe too fast... I admit at first I felt a little overwhelmed seeing her all the time and just wanted some time for myself, maybe its at that point that point for her now who knows. When I first met her I saw something special in her not somebody who had already made it and successful, but someone full of hopes and dreams to be somebody. We said we were going to do it together. I showed her how to believe, trust and love, and she showed me how to enjoy life. eat properly, and open up. Also, she helped me through a real low point in my life where I really all most gave up on myself. Different from most breaks up it's ending fairly decent I've put no resistance to fight despite whats really going on in my mind. We have always be honest with each other and told the truth even when neither wanted to hear it. She maintains that she still loves me but in a different way  whatever that means. Even though it hurts terribly I must let her leave and grow into that successful person I know she is. There is no guarantees she will be back, she probably wont be!

I was really looking forward to this Valentine's to be with someone I love and happy for once. Ever since my first relation ship in grade 6 I knew this day was going to be a problem. Even though it was puppy love my girlfriend at the time left me the day before Valentine's only to have me watch her spend it with another guy on the playground how awful! It happened again in university though it wasn't the day before it was pretty close. It's been two weeks since we broke up now but once again no Valentine. I've never had someone to spend this day with. So once again my Valentine is me May you spend a happy day with the person you love and appreciate it because some people are not as fortunate.

KEEP ON'

3rd Time's A Charm (Rookie Camp Day 3)

Nightmares all night multiple dreams of things just being taken from me set the day up how it was going to go. Paranoid all day I just had that feeling this wasn't my day. Sure enough it wasn't shortly after practice I was released. I wasn't really surprised I did not get any repetitions at safety, the position I was trying out for. It became clear that I was just a body for camp, it was written before I even laced up my cleats. Oh well you live and you learn it sure wasn't for my lack of effort.  I failed but my head is high I have a lot of things to think about. The 3rd time wasn't a charm more like a repeat but much faster. It leaves a real bitter taste in mouth so I'm going to wash it out with a drink and go outside.

3rd Time's A Charm (Rookie Camp Day 2)

Overall it was a pretty good day i'm a little upset the way 1 on 1's went today I performed below what I know i'm capable of so that's what has me upset. Press coverage is much harder than playing off,  though we worked the technique of  press with 1 hand I used 2. A little more mental focus and better technique should be a better day tomorrow. Other than that is was a solid day took reps at Safety and Corner no assignment errors just minor adjustment. Veterans players start to roll into the facilities, it was nice to see some familiar faces welcoming me back. I'm sore today my threshold for pain has decreased significantly and things that used to never really hurt do now. It will probably take me some time to get used to banging my body around. That's the feeling to live for you know that you put out you maximum effort the day, hard work always pays off. Were back at it tomorrow for the final day of rookie camp before the vets come. 1 more day to knock to rust off and go full steam ahead.

3rd Time's A Charm (Rookie Camp Day 1)

Once dead to the world I never felt so alive as i do now! Could barely sleep last night waiting for this day to come. Filled with mixed emotions headed to Commonwealth it was a glorious day. It felt so good just to be putting my cleats on knowing I'm going to practice rather than out the field alone. Rookie camp is nothing new to me its my 3rd time I know exactly what to expect. I'm working on getting better everyday and helping the younger guys understand the defence. The game feels a lot slower than what I remember, maybe its because I am in better shape or that I'm not thinking and just playing football. I think its a little of both! We are back at it tomorrow 9:00 AM so I will have to keep it short I am refreshing myself with the playbook. Have a great night!

The Road Back (final chapter)

 
Dear God,  

18 years invested in this dream, experienced the high of high's and the low low's. Each experience has made me the person I am today. Just to get to this back to this point has taken several sacrifices, some of them cutting so deep left me with a lot of lonely nights crying tears of pain. With every tear you told me everything will be ok in the future, that I would just have to get through this 1 day at a time. I want to thank you for blessing me with wonderful parents who have support me from the start and have allowed me to chase this to the fullest. I want to thank you for blessing me with a wonderful sister has also kept me on track when I did not want to listen to my parents. I want to thank you for blessing me with  all my close friends ( they know who they are) for listening when I was down, and still being there though I live on the other side of the country now. I want to thank all my fans new and old for supporting even when I was out of football that positive energy truly made a difference in working to get back. Thank you for connecting me with anyone with positive energy striving to be something. As the time draws near tears still roll down my face but they are tears of joy for the faith I showed has been rewarded with this opportunity. I ask that you watch over me protect me from any kind of evil and negativity that I may face. I ask that you may bless others in the same way you have blessed me.  I ask i f this is my path you will keep me humble and grounded and never become that asshole successful person everyone loves to hate. To always be true and never sell out. Only through failure is when you truly learn so if I do fail please allow me to take the positives and learn from them. But, I really can't think like that because I truly believe THIS IS THE YEAR!