2nd time around (week 8)

Working out at the gym I had met someone a few weeks ago. At the time he asked me what I was training for. I explained to him that I had been on the Eskimos last year, and just attended training camp with them this year. Unfortunetly I did not make the squad this year. He was very supportive and urged me the best of luck.

I had seen him again this week and he asked if there was any progre. sDissapointed I told him no. He then asked if I was available to talk to his football team that he coached. Unsure whether I wanted to do it or not, I pondered it for a few seconds. Eventually I said yes. I was not too enthusiastic about it, but I felt it would be good for me to be around a football atmoshpere. As I got there I was very nervous. Usually I was speaking on behalf of the Eskimos, but this time I was speaking on behalf of myself. Unsure how the kids would respond because I wasn`t on a team. With no speach prepared, I just said what was on my heart. As I spoke indivudually to the 6 teams I remember why I love this game so much. As I told them to believe in themselves I realized in the times that I'm facing now I have to believe in myself. It was like I was speaking to them but also speaking to myself. I have regained my love for the game through them. I am very thankful that I said yes to speaking to the kids. That day marked the first time I've been on a football field since I was released. I plan to go back and help out when I can to give back to the game that has given so much to me.

A MUST SEE!!!!

2nd time around (week 7)

Back on the grind, I feel back to normal. I'm getting my work in and still being patient. I found it a waste on energy trying to change something I have no control over. Now I'm going to try to focus my energy in the right direction. I've been having dreams lately, I'm not to sure what to make of them, but I will put them down as prophecies. In the event they do happen, I will have proof I saw it all before it happened.



DREAM 1

It's just like yesterday, I find myself at football practice with the Eskimos. As If I've never left the familiar faces all around me. It feels good. Rocking the #10, I'm actually playing this year. Much different from last year when I rode the bench all season. I knew that my hard work would pay off living here in the off-season I was 110% commited. As I walk back to the locker the dream fades.
Waking up now, anxious to get up and get to Commonwealth, I realize that I don't have a spot on the team.

DREAM 2

In a new city I had a somewhat familiar feeling, one I had last year when I first came to Edmonton. I was back on a team dressed in black. Despite new faces around me, it felt good to be given an actual chance. We took to the field in Edmoton. This time it was different, I was on the other side. It was my chance to show them that when put in the right spots, I could be very dangerous on special teams. Kicking off, I ran down the field full speed with a collision approaching, my alarm clock went off...

So those were my two dreams, I loved every minute of them as they gave me hints that I would be back on the field someday. It has given me the motivation that I need to keep pushing. To know I've been kocked down but will get back up and continue to push.

SONG OF THE WEEK







HMAN's FIRST VIDEO

2nd time around (week 6)

Before I get started, I would like to appolgize for not writing anything last week. I've been disappointed that my blog has not been going as desired. My original vision for my blog was to write about my weekly experiences through the 09 season. After being taken off the Eskimos roster, I just haven't had much to talk about. I have been bloging other articles to try and mask my own lack of content. I came to a point where I lost my hunger, my passion, and my love for the game. It has also shown in my work ethic. For the last ten days I felt discouraged and avoided training.

There is not much more sense in dwelling on the past, I need to create a new vision. With that in mind, I must find motivation and explore new possibilities. It's the beginning of a new chapter.

Music is a very powerful tool if you use it the right way. It can trigger emotions in you to get things done as opposed to not doing anything at all. I've been in an R&B state at the moment, and it is evidence of how I've begun training again and how I feel. I'm back on it! When you listen to a good artist, it's motivating just listening to the hunger in thier voice. Sad music, you're cut!

HMan, a close friend from very young, inspires me to keep my head up. Though miles separate us, we remain in touch almost everyday. Now, living in E-town I've lost contact with many friends, only speaking to them on occasion. Though they are all still close to my heart, H watches out for me and makes sure I'm always on point. Just when I feel ready to quit and give up on myself, he brings me back. Hman is an up and coming artist with lyrical skills that would put the top Hip Hop artists in their seats. So we share the same struggles, we just play different games. Knowing you have more than enough talent to be there, but watching someone else fill your spot. But we will keep pushing, keep grinding, because if it was easy, everyone would do it.

http://www.myspace.com/thehmancan

LOST SCRIPTURES

PATIENCE

Written June 20th, 2007

Anything that is worth while comes with a struggle, a fight. It just doesnt happen right away. For I have been patient for so long, believing in my abilities and my talents and knowing that it will pay off in the long run. I have sacrificed money, friendships and my girlfriend to get this far! I WILL NOT STOP NOW. For money comes and goes, you can count friends on one hand, and if she left you she never loved you. I admit at times I feel lonely, depressed, sad, anxious, worried, and self-conscious that I will not achieve what I've been working so hard for. But then I look up and see all that I've done so far and get my second wind. Believing again that I can do what I want when i put my mind to it. I say this with confidence, not cockiness; I AM THE BEST and I WAS BORN TO DO THIS! It's easier to get to the top, but staying at the top year in and out is a different story. Which is why I train harder than you, to ensure that you never take my shine. Time consuming, yes, which explains why I'm still single... I look at my teamates with their girls, envious and jealous sometimes. Getting your groove on while I am hitting the weights. Upset, I tell myself we are not in the same shoes. I am onto something and will NOT STOP until I get it. Shout out to H-Man, Ceddy Rock, the Bus and T-Time thanks for the support, ima hit yall when I get there.

After reading what I wrote 2 years ago, I recall the pain and it's similarity to what I'm going through now. I got through it then and I will make it through now. One thing I will keep stressing is that football is not for fun anymore, its a business. It is time for me to stop blogging about the Eskimos. I can't keep dreaming that dream right now. I still remain friends with many guys on the team and wish them luck this season. But I am not part of the team now, so I can't continue to share their experiences. It hurts me to say it but I must face the truth. I've only really come to terms with being cut now, I thought I had earlier but my emotions were a little premature. Once again, I appologize for my last couple of blogs for being weak and lacking substance. I am human and like everyone, go through ups and downs. The main thing I have learned is that the clock keeps ticking forward and you can't stay down for too long.

The advice my girlfriend gave me today was that negative is positive, given your perception. If you devote your time and effort into something you are passionate about and don't make it, that is not failing. Failure is when there is no passion, no effort, no time spent. Apply this concept to your life and you will always succeed.