2nd time around (week 6)

Before I get started, I would like to appolgize for not writing anything last week. I've been disappointed that my blog has not been going as desired. My original vision for my blog was to write about my weekly experiences through the 09 season. After being taken off the Eskimos roster, I just haven't had much to talk about. I have been bloging other articles to try and mask my own lack of content. I came to a point where I lost my hunger, my passion, and my love for the game. It has also shown in my work ethic. For the last ten days I felt discouraged and avoided training.

There is not much more sense in dwelling on the past, I need to create a new vision. With that in mind, I must find motivation and explore new possibilities. It's the beginning of a new chapter.

Music is a very powerful tool if you use it the right way. It can trigger emotions in you to get things done as opposed to not doing anything at all. I've been in an R&B state at the moment, and it is evidence of how I've begun training again and how I feel. I'm back on it! When you listen to a good artist, it's motivating just listening to the hunger in thier voice. Sad music, you're cut!

HMan, a close friend from very young, inspires me to keep my head up. Though miles separate us, we remain in touch almost everyday. Now, living in E-town I've lost contact with many friends, only speaking to them on occasion. Though they are all still close to my heart, H watches out for me and makes sure I'm always on point. Just when I feel ready to quit and give up on myself, he brings me back. Hman is an up and coming artist with lyrical skills that would put the top Hip Hop artists in their seats. So we share the same struggles, we just play different games. Knowing you have more than enough talent to be there, but watching someone else fill your spot. But we will keep pushing, keep grinding, because if it was easy, everyone would do it.

http://www.myspace.com/thehmancan

LOST SCRIPTURES

PATIENCE

Written June 20th, 2007

Anything that is worth while comes with a struggle, a fight. It just doesnt happen right away. For I have been patient for so long, believing in my abilities and my talents and knowing that it will pay off in the long run. I have sacrificed money, friendships and my girlfriend to get this far! I WILL NOT STOP NOW. For money comes and goes, you can count friends on one hand, and if she left you she never loved you. I admit at times I feel lonely, depressed, sad, anxious, worried, and self-conscious that I will not achieve what I've been working so hard for. But then I look up and see all that I've done so far and get my second wind. Believing again that I can do what I want when i put my mind to it. I say this with confidence, not cockiness; I AM THE BEST and I WAS BORN TO DO THIS! It's easier to get to the top, but staying at the top year in and out is a different story. Which is why I train harder than you, to ensure that you never take my shine. Time consuming, yes, which explains why I'm still single... I look at my teamates with their girls, envious and jealous sometimes. Getting your groove on while I am hitting the weights. Upset, I tell myself we are not in the same shoes. I am onto something and will NOT STOP until I get it. Shout out to H-Man, Ceddy Rock, the Bus and T-Time thanks for the support, ima hit yall when I get there.

After reading what I wrote 2 years ago, I recall the pain and it's similarity to what I'm going through now. I got through it then and I will make it through now. One thing I will keep stressing is that football is not for fun anymore, its a business. It is time for me to stop blogging about the Eskimos. I can't keep dreaming that dream right now. I still remain friends with many guys on the team and wish them luck this season. But I am not part of the team now, so I can't continue to share their experiences. It hurts me to say it but I must face the truth. I've only really come to terms with being cut now, I thought I had earlier but my emotions were a little premature. Once again, I appologize for my last couple of blogs for being weak and lacking substance. I am human and like everyone, go through ups and downs. The main thing I have learned is that the clock keeps ticking forward and you can't stay down for too long.

The advice my girlfriend gave me today was that negative is positive, given your perception. If you devote your time and effort into something you are passionate about and don't make it, that is not failing. Failure is when there is no passion, no effort, no time spent. Apply this concept to your life and you will always succeed.