The Road Back

The rain has stopped and although it is still cloudy, it has allowed me to put a lot of things into perspective. Fear of failing has been my biggest motivator so much that I've managed never to experience it until last year. Even if I had failed in the past I never acknowledged it.  Living in denial, I was just acting as if it never happened. Football was the only thing that I never failed at and when I finally did it seemed unbearable to handle. With so much suppressed emotions I lost sight of all the things that made me, me. I went from living life to just surviving or better yet going through the motions. After months of  soul searching and solitude I have finally faced all my inner demons and things that made me so negative. Last year for my birthday my girlfriend had gotten me a bungee jump pass. I never used it only for the simple fact that I was scared. Last weekend nervous and all, I finally jumped,  it's an unexplainable GREAT feeling, but a feeling that has allowed me to let go of so many things I was holding on my chest, weighing me down. Instantly, as I got off, I felt different this was the first step to my recovery.

The second step was to confront myself about all the things that were making me unhappy. Third step let go! I have opened up to my family and told them things I've been holding on my chest for years. I never told them in fear of disappointing them. It's through failure and disappointment that you really learn life's lessons. Through this process it has felt like a 2000 pound anvil has been lifted of my chest. I feel good! I starting to feel like myself again. I'm not fully there yet but I'm getting close. A return back home to Montreal should truly bring me back to life.

The more I write I realize that this blog is not only about football there is more to life than football. That I finally see now, I no longer doubt if I'm ready, I've been ready to whole time. It has been the mental barriers stopping me. I see now that the only thing stopping me was me!!