The Lost Blogs

The Lost Blog series the missing months from Feburary - May where I was writing but chose not to post because I felt it was too personal. As these feelings pass I choose to share it now because truth be told someone is going threw this and I no longer care what others think it's from the heart so it can't be bad. I've met 5 or 6 guys out here in Edmonton going threw the same thing as we speak. It will fill in the missing gap of where my mind was at during those months.





Written February 4th, 2010

The road back seems darker than ever so many uncertainties about life makes it tough to focus.  I would rather not talk about this but it must be done. My girlfriend broke up with me! I won't

say it came as total surprise I could feel her distancing herself away from me over the past few weeks. I will try not to go into too much detail but I know she wasn't happy inside. I always told her that she has to be more selfish at times and devote more time to herself rather than other people. Giving her my honest advice I never thought it would result in her leaving me. The hardest part is waking up and coming home because we did live together and you get used to seeing someone and all of sudden they are not there.  It was love at first sight we knew we were supposed to be together, everything happened so fast maybe too fast... I admit at first I felt a little overwhelmed seeing her all the time and just wanted some time for myself, maybe its at that point that point for her now who knows. When I first met her I saw something special in her not somebody who had already made it and successful, but someone full of hopes and dreams to be somebody. We said we were going to do it together. I showed her how to believe, trust and love, and she showed me how to enjoy life. eat properly, and open up. Also, she helped me through a real low point in my life where I really all most gave up on myself. Different from most breaks up it's ending fairly decent I've put no resistance to fight despite whats really going on in my mind. We have always be honest with each other and told the truth even when neither wanted to hear it. She maintains that she still loves me but in a different way  whatever that means. Even though it hurts terribly I must let her leave and grow into that successful person I know she is. There is no guarantees she will be back, she probably wont be!

I was really looking forward to this Valentine's to be with someone I love and happy for once. Ever since my first relation ship in grade 6 I knew this day was going to be a problem. Even though it was puppy love my girlfriend at the time left me the day before Valentine's only to have me watch her spend it with another guy on the playground how awful! It happened again in university though it wasn't the day before it was pretty close. It's been two weeks since we broke up now but once again no Valentine. I've never had someone to spend this day with. So once again my Valentine is me May you spend a happy day with the person you love and appreciate it because some people are not as fortunate.