KEEP ON'

If you stay ready you ain't have to get ready! The only thing I can control right now is how hard I work so another week of getting faster getting stronger patiently waiting for my shot. I've been up and down mentally but still managed  to come in and get some good work done. I'm trying to get to 90 degrees with my knee bend it's really hard with this kind of weight on. It's the only way I'm going to get faster is to be able to recruit that strength at that position. The record is 500lbs here at the nation.

KEEP ON'

Finish Fridays! Getting stronger that's what its about that what it is! Keep going in because I know I can play if I get my chance.It's a mental stress being in this position words can't even explain how frustrating it is. Thankfully I train with great people that keep me going. Athletes Nation it's a family some many future stars training I'm just happy to be apart of it. I hope one day you get to see me on the field but for  now this is all I got for you. The daily grind week in and week out. Not too sure where the weekend will take me not in great mood right now I have a lot on my mind...

KEEP ON'

Footage from today it's on threw failing that you really learn so even if I didn't get it today I learned a lot. It's kinda like watching game film and making corrections. You can't learn it you don't see your self fail. I think my problem is technique so I will correct it and get it done on Friday when I lift again. Never give up and keep going in. Not everything is life is a success learn from the mistakes.

KEEP ON'

I'm not even on a road anymore walking right into the abyss my compass has been lost. I don't even know where I'm am anymore it's terribly frightening and scary. Easiest thing to do it turn around and give up, but I wouldn't even know how to get back if I had map. Entrenched in this journey I am in my darkest hour it's like a bad nightmare but it's going on during the day. Only when I sleep I am I at piece only to be awakened to the Hell I'm in. Alone on this journey I surely hope I can find my way out of this Forrest. The way I remain is training at THE NATION and the blog. THE NATION is where I depleted the frustration building up in me, and the blog is a mental release sort of like me talking to myself. I try to explain to people what I'm going threw truth be told no one will ever understand how much work has been put into this. I have not been given a fair shot caught up in the politics of pro sports being thrown under the bus. Maybe I'm too stubborn for my own good but I believe in myself, so I will walk into the unknown keeping the faith that I will shine one day!

KEEP ON'

Crossroads! Career on life support I know I said I would Keep On but when life catches up to you makes it terribly hard to continue. It's a constant battle daily, hourly even every minute. For the 1st time today I actually thought I about moving back to Montreal and changing the direction. The reasons I had for staying in Edmonton are not there anymore. I came to play Football I stayed because I fell in Love both have not worked out. So it leaves me standing alone doubting life! I bumped into someone yesterday I opened the door for him, he took notice of my Ferrari polo I had on and said I have two of them meaning cars. I replied I don't have any but I want one. He told me I have a heart of a Ferrari I can see it! So what's stoping you from getting it? I didn't have an answer for him.... we shook hands and he said go get it my friend! Pondering his kind words for some time what is really stoping me? I'm in the way of myself I'm not scared to fail anymore but is there such a thing as scared to succeed? My friends are hounding me to come home and it would be nice to have their company even a girlfriend. Life doesn't seem that way right now  I'm alone for a reason because I have to DO IT ALONE! I have grown so much in these 2 years so even though I am crossroads I already know what I have to do. Follow your heart you'll never be wrong!

KEEP ON'

KEEP ON'

Dear God

Why did you bring me out to Edmonton?
Why did you take me away from my friends and family?
Why did you let them do this to me?
Am I a bad person?
Why are you making me wait?
What am I doing wrong?
Why you got me out here alone?
Why am I supposed to do?
Who do I lean on?
Do you see me?
Why do I still care?
What are you doing?
Does she still think of me?
Does she still care?
What's next?
What's the plan?
Do I stay?
Or go back to Montreal?
Why must I walk threw this Hell?
Where is the Exit sign?
Why won't you let me quit?
Why must I go threw this?
Why is my phone full of numbers I don't want?
Why do I pick em up and never call?
Why don't I even call my friends?
Why do I want to go threw this alone?
Will I ever understand myself?
Why do I feel crazy?
Am I crazy or just passionate?
Do you see my talents?
Can you feel the energy?
Is the risk worth the reward?
Will you ever bless me?

Questions with no answers maybe I'll get the answers one day but for now just KEEP ON' that's all I can do.

The Lost Blogs

Written February 15th, 2010   You really find out what kind of person you are when nothing is going your way. I had every reason to pack it in and take a few days off. What I am learning that it is not my lack of commitment, desire or strength holding me back. But my lack to acknowledge of feelings I am having. Typically anytime I was feeling something I would shut myself up and tell myself to be strong and deal with it later. It much simpler to say I will deal with it later than to actually confront your problems. Something I have been doing for quite some time. I never realized how much of a toll it was taking on me until now. Since a was cut last year I have not been myself. Back then Football was the only thing that made my happy, my success through football would cover all other aspects of life I was not happy about. Without that success of Football brought more glaring light on what I was not happy about and I wasn't ready to deal with it. Suppressing these emotions for so long have not only taken a toll on my relationship but on myself as well. When I looked in the mirror I did not know who I was. Looking at so bad that even after a hard weeks of work I couldn't even enjoy a night out with my girlfriend. With nothing essentially to be mad at I couldn't even bring myself to smile. When wondering why I was not happy even though I had everything I needed I knew the problem was deep. Not addressing the problem for 2 years has left a terrible weight on my chest. It took a while for the signs to show but it has severally altered they way I was viewing life.  This is not the person I am right now which makes sense to why she has left. If I didn't know who I was how I could only imagine what I look like to her now. I wish I would have seen this coming way sooner than I did but hind sight it 20/20. I feel I have relieved a great deal of where my unhappiness what coming by coming clean with my family. Now, the next step is to learn how to enjoy life again. Everything doesn't have to be about training and discipline but rather find a happy medium somewhere. I am not far away but it will take some time but I know exactly where to start to loosen my up. Something I should have done last year. I will keep you posted. The reality is everyone has some kind of issue, it's being able to admit to them is truly the hard part. My finger pointing has stopped now its time to work at them.

KEEP ON'

Not to lose picture of the actual story I'll keep writing loss of momentum threw the sickness I was force to start again. But what I notice that after been threw so much it doesn't take much to hit the switch. Built a threshold over the years to what I can take and with each blow it hurts less I take that energy and make it apart of me as it fuels the fire. This weekend will be very telling so I will buy my time because I am ready ! Toughest thing to do when you know you should be playing already. But God is telling me not yet so when he does say yes I'll be ready. My moods vary, I want other people to be seen which is why I blog about other things but make no mistake this is  my story. It's the whole reason the blog started so even if there are other blogs coming this is one is mine. The blog is evolving enjoy!

BOBBY PIERSON

It's my honor to introduce Bobby Pierson after suffering 8 heart attacks, pancreatic cancer, and a brain aneurysm he still lives to tell about it. As matter of fact he is doing more than living he's enjoying live with a quest to have his talents heard. This is man who told me never to give up he is truly an inspiration in my life Thank you Bobby

KEEP ON'

Back from the dead I have been sick with flu for the last week. It was bound to happen burning the candle at both ends sky high with energy and emotion I did not leave much time for my body to rest. Fighting the negative energy I refused to stay home and be sad or depressed. Well lesson learned though it's a drag I need to stay focused and ready the phone may ring and if it's destiny calling I need to be at my best! I resume training tomorrow at a high level. I am not ranging with fire anymore I have seemed settle down. Steady and stern go get the training done. Not to high not to low a happy balance right in the middle so I don't fly off one extreme like what just happen. No one to lean on but me I gotta be strong by myself!

KEEP ON'

Making of the McOkpro

This was filmed in May before Training Camp before I knew what events where going to unfold. I had a great time with a good friend, only thanks to him the video was even shot because my camera die after the first scene. He recorded it on his BBM thanks DENOOOOOO! 1 take and that's it this one was special so a little editing had to be done. Shout out to BIZ on the editing! Hope y'all enjoy