Written February 15th, 2010 You really find out what kind of person you are when nothing is going your way. I had every reason to pack it in and take a few days off. What I am learning that it is not my lack of commitment, desire or strength holding me back. But my lack to acknowledge of feelings I am having. Typically anytime I was feeling something I would shut myself up and tell myself to be strong and deal with it later. It much simpler to say I will deal with it later than to actually confront your problems. Something I have been doing for quite some time. I never realized how much of a toll it was taking on me until now. Since a was cut last year I have not been myself. Back then Football was the only thing that made my happy, my success through football would cover all other aspects of life I was not happy about. Without that success of Football brought more glaring light on what I was not happy about and I wasn't ready to deal with it. Suppressing these emotions for so long have not only taken a toll on my relationship but on myself as well. When I looked in the mirror I did not know who I was. Looking at so bad that even after a hard weeks of work I couldn't even enjoy a night out with my girlfriend. With nothing essentially to be mad at I couldn't even bring myself to smile. When wondering why I was not happy even though I had everything I needed I knew the problem was deep. Not addressing the problem for 2 years has left a terrible weight on my chest. It took a while for the signs to show but it has severally altered they way I was viewing life. This is not the person I am right now which makes sense to why she has left. If I didn't know who I was how I could only imagine what I look like to her now. I wish I would have seen this coming way sooner than I did but hind sight it 20/20. I feel I have relieved a great deal of where my unhappiness what coming by coming clean with my family. Now, the next step is to learn how to enjoy life again. Everything doesn't have to be about training and discipline but rather find a happy medium somewhere. I am not far away but it will take some time but I know exactly where to start to loosen my up. Something I should have done last year. I will keep you posted. The reality is everyone has some kind of issue, it's being able to admit to them is truly the hard part. My finger pointing has stopped now its time to work at them. 
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Lost Blogs
Written February 15th, 2010 You really find out what kind of person you are when nothing is going your way. I had every reason to pack it in and take a few days off. What I am learning that it is not my lack of commitment, desire or strength holding me back. But my lack to acknowledge of feelings I am having. Typically anytime I was feeling something I would shut myself up and tell myself to be strong and deal with it later. It much simpler to say I will deal with it later than to actually confront your problems. Something I have been doing for quite some time. I never realized how much of a toll it was taking on me until now. Since a was cut last year I have not been myself. Back then Football was the only thing that made my happy, my success through football would cover all other aspects of life I was not happy about. Without that success of Football brought more glaring light on what I was not happy about and I wasn't ready to deal with it. Suppressing these emotions for so long have not only taken a toll on my relationship but on myself as well. When I looked in the mirror I did not know who I was. Looking at so bad that even after a hard weeks of work I couldn't even enjoy a night out with my girlfriend. With nothing essentially to be mad at I couldn't even bring myself to smile. When wondering why I was not happy even though I had everything I needed I knew the problem was deep. Not addressing the problem for 2 years has left a terrible weight on my chest. It took a while for the signs to show but it has severally altered they way I was viewing life. This is not the person I am right now which makes sense to why she has left. If I didn't know who I was how I could only imagine what I look like to her now. I wish I would have seen this coming way sooner than I did but hind sight it 20/20. I feel I have relieved a great deal of where my unhappiness what coming by coming clean with my family. Now, the next step is to learn how to enjoy life again. Everything doesn't have to be about training and discipline but rather find a happy medium somewhere. I am not far away but it will take some time but I know exactly where to start to loosen my up. Something I should have done last year. I will keep you posted. The reality is everyone has some kind of issue, it's being able to admit to them is truly the hard part. My finger pointing has stopped now its time to work at them. 
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